Sunday, April 25, 2010

There Is A Season

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy and SO grateful for the amazing gift I've just been given. Adding another child to our family is a joy, and I'm thrilled. If I'm being completely honest though, I have to admit that I've also been feeling frustrated. Frustrated with how long recovery from surgery takes, frustrated with the huge, crashing waves of hormones that bring huge, crashing waves of anxiety and emotion along with them, frustrated that I can't pick my little boy up, toss him in the air and hug him to me like I want to, frustrated at having to ask for and accept help...

So the J-bird and I took advantage of a sunny evening last night and stepped out into our back garden for a little while to take a few deep breaths, and I was reminded of a much used but valid truth, which happens to be hanging right on my grape arbor:

"To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under Heaven." And that's true. It's only been two weeks, and the difficulty will wash away - it has to. My body will continue to heal, we'll all keep bonding and adjusting as a family...the hormones will equalize (SOON PLEASE - I'm not sure how many more times I can humiliate myself by bursting into tears for no reason in front of my boys)...and we'll all grow. I need to just breathe and focus on the joy - hug and kiss my boy and know I'll be able to pick him up soon, cuddle and kiss my snuggle-bug little baby girl and be amazed at her perfection, hug, kiss and thank my amazing husband for being 100% with me on all of this - here for me at every turn, the ultimate partner. In other words, I need to take my mom's good advice from when I was a little girl and would get nervous before a piano recital: "Take a DEEP BREATH!" and enjoy it!

Columbine reminds me of my mom. This came from her garden.

So did these irises.

Peonies make me think of the house I lived in through college - there were two beautiful peony bushes in the back yard there. These buds will soon burst into the most glorious blossoms. They are some of my favorites.

Bleeding heart

Apple buds and blossoms

And my little guy, showing me his "naughty face" - so silly ;)

1 comment:

Jaimey said...

Hugs! You will continue to heal and this will all be a faded but lovely memory. I am always here to lend a hand. I will call you tomorrow. :)