School. Educating our kids. I never knew that making these decisions would be some of the most difficult of parenthood, but they are. I'm glad we have options - good GRIEF, are we fortunate? We've had the option of looking at our whole child and trying to make the best possible choices for him, to start him out on a path that will help him love to learn. Not everyone gets that, and I know it.
For pre-school and Kindergarten, I taught him at home, and I supplemented that with playgroups and lessons where I was NOT the boss, so he could get out and be with other kids and adults. The J-bird and I have always worked really well together, so this was a good arrangement for us. In 1st grade, we started him out at a fantastic small Montessori school in our town. We have absolutely LOVED it there, and the J-bird has flourished. I believe so much in the Montessori method, and I use it at home with Miss V for her pre-school. His school asked me during his first year there to come in once a week to teach music, and it's been my privilege to do that for the last two years.
The growth the J-bird has experienced in just two years is pretty astonishing. We had hoped for another year of Montessori, and we were planning to send Miss V to the same school starting in 1st grade, but his wonderful teacher is retiring, and his classroom is going away (remember when I said it was a small school?), so our perfect plan has to be re-planned. Sometimes that happens. The unknown of a new school, a different type of class, standardized testing and homework and LOTS OF KIDS....it's all a little overwhelming right now. As I told my little J-bird though, we're in this together, and we can always make a new plan.
That's the thing about being a mother, man. It tears you in half. I wish I could make it easier, take away his sadness, promise him everything will be completely fine forever. BUT that wouldn't do him any favors, and it would be a big, fat lie. Everyone has to feel pain and sorrow and fear. We have to. It's part of life. I will always be here to hold him and listen to him and comfort him, but I can't make the difficult stuff go away.
The J-bird will be alright. He will get through today, square his shoulders, and compartmentalize it. I'll remember that sad little boy at the door a lot longer than he ever will, because I'm the mom. I'll store it up in my heart. Next year will either work out beautifully, or it'll be a disaster of worst fears realized, and we'll work out something new. Either way, I'm glad we've had everything leading up to now.
It's been great.